The POWER struggle...

The woman cried “they just don’t understand me. I have been a great mother!” I have heard this statement all too often sometimes unfortunately so from clients, friends, co-workers, and random people in the grocery store!

I was watching a program, okay, okay, it was Dr. Phil, and anyway, there was a guest with two daughters who were clearly distraught and in emotional turmoil due to their mother’s inability to become empathetic to their childhood issues. In other words, she appeared unable to understand and feel their pain. The women cried and pleaded with their mother to admit wrong doings in their childhood and she remained defensive and helpless.

How many of us have had a similar experience? Maybe not with the narcissistic mother, but a person in your life who acts and thinks very differently from the values and belief system that you have come to know very well, but yet, we expect change from them? No fingers pointed from my direction because I have certainly been guilty of this, however, what to do next. Well, Dr. Phil offered the mother counseling and attended to them for the next, say minute and a half, because this is television but don’t let it get lost in translation. (smile)

We all come from our own “stuff” and filter through the same “stuff” in our interactions with others on a daily basis. Although it may be known “no one has control over you” but does it ring a bell, especially with family members? It’s as if with family there are exceptions. “Oh, that’s just how she is.” Well, that might be the case but it’s how you choose to handle the situation. Are you going to allow the opinions and feelings of that person come into your personal boundary of comfort and space? Additionally, after having interactions with said person you are now having to cleanse with a sea salt bath and constantly soothe your inner child because your little one is so mad at you for having to “behave” around said person.

It’s first understanding the power system within. Truly knowing that your power is a precious gift and that you can choose to either give it away all the time, some of the time, or never. It’s realizing that we can change and adjust as needed, but we have to set the boundaries and honor the power within for ourselves first, not expecting others to do it for us.

Whether it’s your mother or son, friend or foe, look inside first at the issue. What’s really bothering you? Is it the fact your father was so emotionally unavailable he defined emotional as “taking kindness for weakness?” Or your boss who doesn’t understand why you would want that raise knowing there have been budget cuts for the past month and should feel so lucky to even have a job? Either case, allowing other people to have their “stuff” and let them own it is true power. Let them play with it.

I certainly hope that mother from the Dr. Phil show gets the support and help she needs and the women learn that they have honored their inner power for trying. They now know that if their mother decides to change it will be her choice, and how she views the past, is also her choice. The women can now move on lovingly with forgiveness, not harboring resentment and releasing all bitterness. I hope if there is someone in your life with whom you feel the same, please honor your power, and manifest wondrous changes in your life, because you and only you are the only one who can authentically change you.

~Be Well